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2016 Republican Convention: Trump “the Great” Announces Speakers and Special Entertainment

July 13, 2016 By Patrick Andendall 3 Comments

 

 

Quite a few StupidParty leaders have refused to sing Trump’s “Great” Anthem and thus will not be attending the Convention. We’ve created a list for smart and stupid alike, so that you can see that there is clear writing on the wall. It is so clear, even the good ol’ boys are starting to see and understand the bigness of their mistake.

Here goes:

  1. Mark Kirk (R.-Ill.) “Given my military experience, Donald Trump does not have the temperament to command our military or our nuclear arsenal.”
  2. H.W. Bush Sr.
  3. G.W.Bush Jr
  4. Jeb Bush, 2016 Republican presidential candidate
  5. Sen. Richard Shelby (R-AL)
  6.  Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-AK)
  7. Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
  8. Sen. Jeff Flake (R-AZ)
  9. Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL)
  10. Sen. Mike Crapo (R-ID)
  11. Sen. Jerry Moran (R-KS)
  12. Sen. Roy Blunt (R-MO)
  13. Sen. Steve Daines (R-MT), will use the time to hone his “fly fishing.”
  14. Sen. Kelly Ayotte (R-NH)
  15. Sen. Pat Toomey (R-PA)*
  16. Sen. Mike Enzi (R-WY)
  17. Sen. Thad Cochran (R-MS)
  18. Sen. Dean Heller (R-NV)
  19. Sen:Still Deciding: Sen. Jim Risch (R-ID) Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY)* Sen. David Vitter (R-LA)   Sen. John Thune (R-SD)*
  20. Ohio Governor John Kasich
  21. Maryland Governor Larry Hogan (R-Md.)
  22. South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley
  23. Former NJ Governor Tom Kean Sr. 
  24. New York Rep. Elise Stefanik,
  25. Utah Rep. Mia Love,
  26. Rep. Fred Upton (R-Mich.) told reporters he had “a longstanding appointment downtown.”
  27. Mark Salter, former aide and speechwriter for Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) “The GOP is going to nominate for President a guy who reads the National Enquirer and thinks it’s on the level. I’m with her.”
  28. David Ross Meyers, former White House staffer under George W. Bush’s former communications adviser for the Senate Republican Leadership
  29. Eliot Cohen, counselor of the Department of State during President George W. Bush’s administration
  30. Max Boot, foreign policy adviser to Sen. Marco Rubio, Council on Foreign Relations fellow “I would sooner vote for Josef Stalin than I would vote for Donald Trump,” Boot told theNew York Times on March 2. “There is no way in hell I would vote for him. I would far more readily support Hillary Clinton, or Bloomberg if he ran.”
  31. Ben Howe, contributing editor to the conservative website RedState
  32. Jamie Weinstein, senior editor, Daily Caller
  33. Robert Kagan, senior fellow at the Brookings Institution The neoconservative foreign policy commentator called Trump the GOP’s “Frankenstein monster” who is “strong enough to destroy its maker” “The Republicans’ creation will be.”
  34. Richard Armitage, deputy secretary of state under George W. Bush
  35. Sen. Ben Sasse (R-Neb.)
  36. Mitt Romney, 2012 GOP nominee, former Massachusetts governor
  37. Sen. Lindsey Graham, former presidential candidate
  38. Rep. Scott Rigell (R-Va.)
  39. Carlos Curbelo (R-Fla.) “I will not support Mr. Trump. That is not a political decision, that is a moral decision”
  40. Charlie Baker (R-Mass.)
  41. Patrick Ruffini, Republican strategist and early #NeverTrump adopter
  42. Richard Hanna (R-NY)
  43. Former Gov. Christine Todd Whitman (R-NJ)
  44. Tim Miller, former spokesman for Jeb Bush, adviser to Our Principles, an anti-Trump super PAC
  45. Peter Wehner, GOP strategist
  46. Liz Mair, GOP strategist
  47. Rick Wilson, Republican operative “I will never vote for Donald Trump, not even if it means he forms a third party and runs as the narcissist sociopath he truly is.”
  48. Former Sen. Mel Martinez (R-Fla.)
  49. Former Sen. Norm Coleman (R-M.N.), Congressional Leadership Fund chairman
  50. Former Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) “He loves torture!” Paul said.
  51. Stuart Stevens, top strategist, Romney 2012
  52. Kevin Madden, former Mitt Romney communications director
  53. Ken Mehlman, former Republican National Committee chairman
  54. Bill Kristol, editor of the Weekly Standard
  55. Erick Erickson, conservative commentator, former editor of RedState, founder of The Resurgent
  56. Steve Deace, conservative commentator and radio talk show host
  57. Mark Levin, conservative radio host
  58. Brian Bartlett, GOP communications strategist
  59. Jay Caruso, contributing editor at RedState
  60. Linda Chavez, conservative columnist
  61. Mindy Finn, GOP media strategist and president of Empowered Women “For me, it’s secondary to his menacing character. So I wouldn’t support Trump if you paid me his net worth. I refuse to carry his flag. I challenge you to do the same.”
  62. Jon Gabriel, editor-in-chief of Ricochet “If the keys are handed to a would-be strongman, I have no choice but to step out of the car and walk my own way,” he wrote. “If that makes me a bad Republican, so be it. I seek to be a good American.”
  63. Stephen Hayes, senior writer at The Weekly Standard “Casual dishonesty is a feature of his campaign.”
  64. Glenn Beck, host of The Glenn Beck Program and founder of TheBlaze
  65. Dave Yost, Ohio auditor of state
  66. Ruth Guerra the RNC’s national director of Hispanic media, serving as a top surrogate for the party as it looked to make inroads with Latino voters and making frequent TV appearances in English and Spanish to try to lead outreach.
  67. Katrina Jorgensen the communications chair for the Young Republican National Federation. “I want no part of a racist, fascist, hateful presidency.”
  68. Nathan Wurtzel, Make America Awesome Again super PAC
  69. George Will, Washington Post columnist and Fox News commentator
  70. Bruce Carroll, creator of GayPatriot.org Carroll said on Twitter, “I will oppose ALL candidates of any political affiliation who align.”
  71. Mona Charen, senior fellow at Ethics and Public Policy Center
  72. Dean Clancy, former FreedomWorks vice president
  73. Rory Cooper, GOP strategist, managing director of Purple Strategies, senior advisor to the Never Trump PAC
    Daniel Vajdich,  senior fellow at the Atlantic Council, national security policy adviser to the Ted Cruz campaign
  74. Bob Dold (R-Illinois) “Donald Trump’s hateful words towards wide swaths of our country, from women to Latinos to veterans and Muslims, disqualify him from ever serving as president of the United States
  75. Michael Graham, conservative radio host
  76. Former Rep. J.C. Watts (R-Okla.)
  77. Connor Walsh, former digital director for Eric Cantor, founder of Build Digital
  78. Jonah Goldberg, senior editor at National Review
  79. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R-Fla.)
  80. Alan Goldsmith, former staffer, House Foreign Affairs Committee
  81. Stephen Gutowski, Free Beacon staff writer 
  82. Ross Douthat, New York Times columnist
  83. Doug Heye, former communications director for the Republican National Committee*
  84. Brad Thor, conservative author
  85. Charlie Sykes, radio show host
  86. Erik Soderstrom, conservative blogger
  87. David French, National Review writer
  88. Jennifer Rubin, conservative opinion columnist for the Washington Post
  89. Quin Hillyer, conservative columnist 
  90. Former Gov. Tom Ridge (R-PA)
  91. Iowa state Sen. David Johnson “I will not stand silent if the party of Lincoln and the end of slavery buckles under the racial bias of a bigot.”
  92.  Chase, Ford, JPMorgan Chase, Motorola, Walgreens and Wells Fargo For the first time in years,such  corporate sponsors have declined to participate
  93. Justin Amash (R-Mich.)
  94. Mark Sanford (R-S.C.)
  95. Reid Ribble (R-Wis.)
  96. Nine of Arizona’s 58 Republican delegates originally slated to go to the GOP convention in Cleveland next month are skipping the event
  97. Ivanka Trump’s Rabbi will be a no show after…
  98. Tim Tebow also nixed Trump’s invitation yesterday…
  99. Tom Brady- that Quarterback Guy who loves Stupidparty
  100. Sarah Palin sulking over not being VP – Alaska is a long way from Cleveland
  101. I will not be attending.

 The Greatest Speech, By the Greatest Man in what will soon be the Greatest Nation taking over the Greatest Planet 

“Today America, it can now be our America. Today I will outline how you can become as great as me. We are a great Country, the greatest country—but we can become so much greater. If you can love me as much as I have learned to love myself then all will be great. I love great Americans with all my heart, but I have to be honest, I must tell you that some Americans are losers, many are just over rated, low energy, ugly losers. Even worse, some are total losers. Then we have those rapists who trespass into our great Country, they look at our great genes and just cannot control themselves—we cannot waste our greatness on such haters and losers and deviants.

I love my Vice Presidential pick–he is an amazing guy, a special guy and a great friend. He is a bit short, but I love short people, short people are great. I speak down to him all the time, but he loves it, he loves me and has always looked up to me. I respect that in a man. Then there is my press secretary, I have chosen Matt Drudge–you will love him, a fantastic guy, a great friend–I talk to him all the time. He loves golf you know. Loves my courses best of all. You have to respect someone who has great taste.

Economic Policy

I shall cut everyone’s taxes. I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created. It will be great. Anyone who needs a job can come and work for me, where I will provide free food and beverages. I will provide tents for my workers who need housing. The tax cuts that I provide will mean that all of my friends in Palm Beach will  also be able to promote my ground breaking “Work Is Just Great” program. If you need a job, just give me a call at 1-800-YOU-LOSER, and I will call one of my Wall Street friends. I know them all, I run into them all the time. They are all really great guys and they are always looking for staff. If you get sick, we will have a great deal for that too, many of my employees would have spent years in the medical community before their jobs were downsized–they will be dying to help.

Yes of course revenues will fall short of expenses–but bankruptcy is not failure, it is a sign of success, proof that my brilliance is working. Bankruptcy can be a fantastic deal. Once China realizes that we will not pay them back, then I will just offer them a deal.  I am an amazing negotiator. They will love it, we will love it–everyone will be a winner–other countries will be kicking them selves for not negotiating with me first.

Foreign Policy

America is the biggest and the best. But our new greatness will soon become fantastically great. ISIS, they are an awful terrorist group and they are going to be in such trouble when I become President. We have huge bombs, absolutely brilliant made in America bombs. As a strong and great leader I be exporting these amazing bombs to Syria, just so everyone can see just how amazing they are.   I’m going take ISIS and other haters and losers off the face of the planet and then we shall do the same to Assad. This should also solve global warming and prove that it was a hoax.

Putin is a great guy, we are going to have an amazing friendship–he loves golf as you know. Having reasserted our greatness, Putin will happily agree to withdraw all his forces to within his own boarders. We will enforce no fly zones where ever we need them. China has a great wall -you can see it from space, but I would build a greater wall and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me. And I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great great wall on our southern border and I’ll have Mexico pay for that wall. “I’m not saying they’re stupid, the Chinese I mean— I like China, I just sold an apartment for $15 million. But let’s face it, with a face like that how could you trust them.  I will have the Chinese leaders fly into Washington, they can use my private jet, and I will tell them to stop. I will tell them face to face –because I will be a strong leader, the greatest leader. I will tell them that if they carry on being un-American that I will use our vast free labor force to compete against their labor force and all business will relocate back to America, to take advantage of our “Working Is Just Great” program, thus destroying China’s economy. It will be a great victory.

Social Policy

I love the Bible, it is an incredible book, it has sold almost as many copies as The Art of the Deal. I love women–they are great. They are so great that owning just one is just not enough. I have many gay friends, gays are great. If they want to marry, that is great. I have many devoted admirers who do not like gays, and they are great and they have every right to try and make gay marriage illegal. I said they could marry, just not to another man. Women can, marry each other, because that’s hot. If any women as hot as my daughter married my daughter …I love women, I know numerous  women, I talk to them all the time. Many of my devoted followers say that Obama is a black man and I say that is great, who am I to judge. Many of my adoring fans say that Obama is a Muslim man and I say that is great, who am I to judge. Many of my congregants say that Obama is not an American and I say that is great and that is right-Obama is not an American.

To any who is smart enough to agree to vote for me , I  shall give each and every one of you a really fantastic smart card. If you agree with the mission statement on the front of the Card, all you need to do is sign the back of the Card. Become a Trump Elite supporter and join my special rewards system. See the back of the card for all the absolutely amazing benefits:

Earn 25,000 Trump Elite bonus points after voting and then more points for every vote after that

Earn 20,000 Trump Elite bonus points after making $100 in donations within the first 3 months of account opening

Free Food and Beverage at any Trump voting location Elite lounge and bring up to four voting companions with you at the same location

Enjoy Standing in line privilegesat all participating voting locations. Don’t be loser, never wait in line again

25% savings on eligible dates–at all Trump Hotels, resorts and Golf courses

Preferred Status to participate in the groundbreaking “work is just great” program

Purchase Rate 13.99% – 21.99% variable APR based on your creditworthiness

 

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Filed Under: Featured, Satire, Trump

Comments

  1. entertainment news today says

    August 1, 2016 at 2:15 am

    accept

    Reply
  2. Nataly Anders says

    August 2, 2016 at 6:46 am

    I am truly inspired by this online journal! Extremely clear clarification of issues is given and it is open to every living soul. I have perused your post, truly you have given this extraordinary informative data about it.

    Reply
    • Patrick Andendall says

      August 2, 2016 at 7:07 am

      Thank you

      Reply

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